Ukas vits: Elgmøkk

september 20, 2006

«I’ve held a lot of jobs in my life, but my favorite was as a lumberjack. Yes a lumberjack, striding through the northwoodsout in the fresh airchopping down trees and yelling timber. Spitting and drinking beer on the weekends. I loved it, the only problem was that the company we worked for was too cheap to hire a cook. So, someone had to be a cook until someone else complained, then the complainer had to be cook till someone else complained, and on and on. So there was no incentive to be a good cook, and it was always bad.

Well, I’m a pretty good cook, and finally I just had to complain. So, of course, I had to be the cook. Well about two weeks later, I was getting really sick of cooking and cooking worse and worse, hoping someone would complain, so they would have to take over.

Finally, one day I was out in the meadow picking berries for a pie when I came across a bighotfresh steaming pile of MOOSE TURD! I smiled This’ll do it. So I scooped up that meadow muffin and carried it back to the kitchen, chortling all the way. I rolled out a big pie crust, flopped that stuff in there and put on a top crust. Carved a fancy design in the top, and baked it up. Beautiful, golden brown, with the brown bubbling through all the cuts on top. Set it on the windowsill to cool.

Well, I served up a dinner that couldn’t be beat. Figured if it was my last one to cook, it might as well be a good one right up to the moose turd pie. SOMEONE WOULD JUST HAVE TO COMPLAIN! So I had a great beef stew, biscuits and fresh veggies. Everyone was happy, and I just smiled.

Then I brought it out. Set it down in front of the biggest, nastiest, ugliest lumberjack of them all. ‘Carved him out a big hunk and set it down in front of him and stood back to watch the complaints fly. My cooking days were over.

The big guy took a big bite, chewed it up, eyes bugged out, and he said
YAAACK!
SPIT SPIT SPIT! THAT’S MOOSE TURD PIE!
(Pause, sly grin, finger in the air) IT’S GOOD THOUGH!»

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